I occasionally like to engage in this negative visualization exercise; maybe it’s healthy but probably not. I usually do it in times of stress, or when I feel I’m not performing as well as I should, be it in life, work, relationships, etc.
I imagine the person who would replace me in my current role of life.
This doesn’t necessarily have to be an actual person that exists (though I sometimes I envision people around me as potential “rivals” to my position). No, the person can be entirely imaginary.
Usually, if I mess up at work, or do something that doesn’t make me ideal girlfriend/sister/daughter material, I’ll picture this person in my head as the person who would step in to replace me after I’ve been let go.
She usually looks similar to me (I always envision her as female), with a better sense of style and purpose. More hair, styled in a much more fashionable way. More feminine and put together. More confidence and ease in the way she handles obstacles and talks to people; she’s a natural at “fake it to you make it”.
I imagine people feeling a sense of calm and completeness when this person takes over, often remarking long after I’m gone how much of an improvement she is to “that other person who used to be here”, already forgetting my name, my face, my mere existence distilled into the identity of “the person that used to be here that was worse than the replacement”.
I want to clarify: this person who replaces me is not my ideal self, though she is someone who effortlessly encapsulates all the traits and skills that I struggle with, that don’t come naturally, that take concentration or considerable effort.
I like to think of this as a fear exercise. As a way to get my butt in gear to perform better so this omnipresent replacement doesn’t magically appear and immediately make me irrelevant.
It’s also important to remind myself that this person doesn’t really exist in real life, and that I should only use her as a barometer for keeping tabs on things that I wish to improve within myself. It makes me self-aware of my faults, but also more focused on taking the steps necessary to do better.
And yes, there have been times in my life when I have been replaced. Whenever I start a new job, someone will inevitably have to be hired to take my place.
But that person is never the person I visualize in my head. They don’t look like me, and while they may be better some things that I am, they also have weaknesses where I may have strengths.
Case in point: when I left my previous job, I felt I would be replaced by someone who would be a panacea for everything I lacked in that position, and that I would be quickly forgotten. That was not the case: the replacement is great, but she is not an improved version of me. She is much more complex than that. She is HUMAN. I am also human, so I don’t strive to mimic what I already am.
I am me, and I recognize that I’m terrified of the thought of the person who will replace me. But I’m learning over time to accept her and learn from her, so that one day, when she does appear, she is actually an improved version of myself, because I have improved myself.