It’s been a month since I’ve started my job search in earnest.

I’ve been hesitant to voice my thoughts on losing my job due to COVID-19, but after much soul-searching, I think I’m ready to be candid on the matter.

When I was initially furloughed back in May, I’ll admit I experienced a burst of exhilaration.

At last, I thought, now I can truly test my mettle as a writer and see where the experience and my talents takes me.

But aside from that sudden drive to prove myself and grow my identity as a writer, there was another emotion lurking just underneath the surface.

While laid off, I felt a deep, personal resentment. Every day that I wasn’t gainfully employed was another day that I felt disposable, like another inconsequential cog in the machine.

On an intellectual level, I know that the furlough made economic sense; after all, we’re going through a global pandemic.

But it didn’t matter. None of it ever mattered. In my mind, I construed my absence from work as confirmation I felt that my presence and contributions never really mattered. That I never really mattered.

I did a lot of self-reflection during the summer, about who I am and what I want out of life. When I think back to my lost job, I’ve come to realize all the negative feelings and emotions I now feel are of my own doing.

I entirely take the onus on my feelings of inadequacy.

Why? Because I let myself get there.

I had met the expectations of my job role. I was good at it, but after three years, I saw myself capable of doing more.

My biggest mistake was not acting on this desire, letting the constraints of my title dictate the progression of my career.

In other words, I had committed the ultimate sin: I had let myself become defined by my job.

It’s so easy to adhere to the limiting beliefs set upon us by others. And while some people may have recognized a capacity in me to do more than what was in my job description, I felt uncertain in my ability to grow. I saw my future, and it looked like 10 more years of doing the exact same thing. Stagnation.

As I continue my job search, my cardinal rule before I take a position is that I can see a potential for growth, both in myself and as a professional.

Through my experiences, I hope I can inform others, especially those who are in a similar situation as I am.

Therefore, here are three ways to prevent others from defining who you are.

Know Your Value

When applying for new jobs, it takes a considerable amount of introspection to recognize one’s own worth.

I don’t see the abilities I truly have to offer until I compare job duties in a posting to what I’ve accomplished in the past.

It helps to sit down and make a list of the skills and talents you bring to the table. It’s not easy to champion one’s successes and victories on the fly, so a written synopsis of what you can do helps to organize one’s thoughts into an easily digestible format you can communicate during interviews.

Speak Up

Sometimes, we are more than capable to do something, but we’re never given a chance because other people just don’t know.

I was guilty of this: when I first started working at my previous job, I was coy about talking about my podcasts and my writing. I recognize now this was a mistake; why was I making people work to discover my abilities?

I should have taken the guess work out of others knowing me and been more open with that information, that way the people I worked with could get a better picture of who I was and what I could do.

Case in point: all new hires at my old job were paired with a designated “buddy” in their first week. The buddy conducted a tour of the office and introduced the new hire to every person on the floor.

If I worked regularly with the person acting as buddy/tour guide, then the introduction when they came to my desk was a pretty accurate approximation of what I did around the company.

Occasionally, a person I didn’t know well would conduct the tour. In these instances, when they reached my desk, introductions would usually go as follows:

Tour Guide Buddy: New Hire, I’d like you to meet Sylvie. Whenever you need some coffee and the machine is broken, Sylvie is your girl.

This would be disastrous. Not only did my role seem small and inessential to the  buddy, but this perceived lack of value would be perpetuated with this brand new person I just met!

After this happened a few times, I made it a point to have a written greeting prepared for every new hire. When they stopped at my desk, I introduced myself exactly the way that I chose to be represented.

Sometimes you have no idea how other people’s words can impact you. They don’t even have to be negative, but if they run counter to how you choose to be perceived, it can lead to a host of problems and a case of mistaken identity:

She’s such a workhorse.

She‘s so cute!

She does all the work no one else wants to do…

This is true in life, but it is especially true in the workplace. If you don’t take the initiative to define yourself, others will gladly do it for you.

Take Action

Sometimes, it’s a lack of confidence that prevents us from owning who we really are and what we can do.

In those situations, it’s important to “fake it ‘till you make it”; if you want to be known for a certain thing, then you have to consistently keep doing that thing until you feel comfortable with it as your identity.

You can’t just “clock in, clock out”, doing tasks that are vital for the job but don’t necessarily excite you. It means you must occasionally do work that may not be essential or part of the job description, but it invigorates you. I like to call these your heart swell moments.

For me, this involved working with the computers and tech at my previous job. It may not have been part of my initial job description, but I became a reliable point person around the office to troubleshoot tech issues. It helped me to hone my skill and gain the confidence to run my own tech for the conferences I spoke at in 2019.

My biggest heart swell moment at work actually had nothing to do with my job.

I shared that I was into writing and had published my first short story on Midnight & Indigo.

To receive the feedback, to hear the compliments about my ability INDEPENDENT of what people knew and expected of me…the feeling was immeasurable.

It sowed the seeds that led me to believe I was meant for other things. Not better things, per se, but a path more aligned with how I wanted other people to see me.

I’m so grateful for the opportunities afforded to me at my previous job, and in some ways I’m sad that chapter of my life is over.

But I am also eager to take the lessons that I learned to my next role, and to implement the steps necessary to become a valued member of my future team.

I’m through with letting others define me. Going forward, I define myself. I control the path and my destiny; it is my responsibility to pave my own way in this life.

What do you think? In what ways have you been impacted by COVID-19? And do you come across well to others, or do you feel you have work to do to have your perception of yourself align with how other see you? Please discuss in the comments below!